My RLS (Restless Legs Syndrome) kicked into high gear again last Summer. Everything was pointing to augmentation, which is a worsening of symptoms after certain medications have been started. Having gone down this road before, I knew I needed to gradually reduce and get off of these medications. To keep what could be a long story short, I had to reschedule an appt with my neurologist due to it falling on the same day as my MIL’s funeral. After placing a call to my doctor and explaining what was going on, he called in a refill for an opioid I have been taking as-needed.
I saw my neurologist in October and am now on this opioid daily. Having lived with RLS for well over 30 years, I can say that it is a beast to live with and to treat. Still, I like to believe that most everything has a silver lining. I have zero depression (which is common with RLS patients) and I am now also saving almost $200/month in drug costs. Hey, you take the “wins” whenever you can!
MIL’s estate. Where to even begin? This is a case of three siblings: a nasty (greedy) SIL, a good SIL and Hubs. The good SIL and Hubs just want to get this settled in a fair manner. The nasty SIL is doing whatever she can to make the entire process of settling the estate miserable. She even went as far as to change the locks on MIL’s house and then tell us we had to go through her if we wanted to gain entry. She kept a sympathy card and check that was made out directly to Hubs. On the day good SIL was leaving to go home (day after the funeral), nasty SIL said a lot of horrible things and then actually slammed the door in her face. I don’t even want to get into all the horrible things she has said to Hubs. She has also removed practically everything from MIL’s house. Good SIL and Hubs hired an attorney. Nasty SIL has been trying to buy out Hub’s and good SIL’s share of house. That would be fine IF she were to offer them a fair amount. Nasty SIL is in control of the trust but the house is completely separate from the trust. All three siblings need to agree.
On behalf of good SIL and Hubs, I have personally made three additional trips downstate. First to meet with an attorney regarding this entire mess, a second time to get a realtor’s price opinion, which nasty SIL refused to accept. A third trip was made to get a professional appraisal, which again, nasty SIL still refuses to accept. With each trip (she was forced to provide us a key to the house and if she didn’t, we had legal right to break in) I would see more and more items removed. So much of this goes against the terms of the trust. One good thing is that MIL specified that the trust part MUST be settled within five months. That gives nasty SIL about two weeks to wrap that up. I won’t hold my breath.
We are splitting expenses with the good SIL but it is still costly. We’ve also had to pay our third of property taxes and unoccupied homeowner’s insurance. Then add to it my time, gas (roughly 1,000 miles round trip) and a couple of hotels…I’m tired of it all. So are good SIL and Hubs. Where will this all end up? Probably in court. I’m sure my MIL and FIL are rolling in their graves. Sigh. This is a prime example of how NOT to settle an estate!
Good luck with the nasty SIL.
I had a nasty sibling that contested my mother’s will & my executorship. She hired an attorney, as well as being one herself. Luckily, she left it to that attorney to settle with myself (self representation). Battled that attorney for nearly 9 hours in drawing up a settlement, but got a reasonable share that I could live with. But now she is no longer in the family per my late mother’s instructions to me as family historian…
I have survived & am happy finding new cousins & sisters of the heart to replace her. I wish the same for you!! KMC
Thanks. We are going to need all the good luck we can get. The crazy thing is that we aren’t contesting the trust or even the nasty SIL’s executorship. We want her to follow what it says and be fair. Hubs and the good SIL have very little they even want from the house, yet nasty SIL thinks she should have it all. She has been a greedy control freak her entire life. Sad way to live life, and as a result, she will lose her siblings.
Kudos for representing yourself against your sister! A nine-hour battle, though. Oh, the stress of it all. Glad you were able to come up with a settlement that felt fair enough. You are likely happier not having this toxic sister in your life.
When my dad died a few years after my mom, they were married almost 63 years, he left my brother and me a two million dollar estate. I was the local son so it made sense for me to do the in person estate work and for my brother to do stuff that could be done by phone. We split everything 50-50 and never had a single argument. When my wife’s parents passed away I stayed out of it, as she stayed out of my parents estate business. It also was a hassle free event. Perhaps because every heir was financially independent or maybe because we have a lot of mutual affection and trust throughout both families. But regardless of that I’d advise you to take no part in your husband’s family affairs, that is his responsibility, other than to advise him when he asks for it. When/if your family leaves an estate to you then he should do the same. In laws should stay out of the other family’s business. Let the blood relatives work it out, its not your affair.
Wow, that is quite an estate you and your brother were left. You were fortunate that there were no disputes with either estate.
I agree to a large extent that in-laws should stay out of the other family’s business, and to the best of my ability, that is what I have done. The challenges the good SIL and my husband faced regarding meeting with the attorney and getting the home valued have been distance and time. The in-person meeting with the attorney was per his advice, with Hubs and the good SIL on a conference call. Although I was informed by the attorney that I could legally break into the house, that was a big no on my part. Hence we waited for a key, and I made an additional trip downstate. As for obtaining the realtor’s opinion and then getting an official appraisal, I merely acted on their behalf to let these professionals into the home. I didn’t even stay in the home. That was another big no on my part! Impossible not to notice furniture, pictures, etc., disappearing from the house.
In comparison, settling my father’s estate (my mother preceded him in death) was beyond simple. Each child/grandchild was left X amt of dollars, with the remainder going to specific charities by percentage. As for the division of personal items, much of that was spelled out in the trust. As for the rest, we took turns choosing things we wanted. Interestingly, most of us didn’t want all that much. I used “my turn” to select a few items my kids had expressed interest in having. I know my siblings did the same for their kids.
It was probably a good thing my FIL saw his one daughter (I won’t say “dd” because she isn’t dear in anyway shape or form) for what she is and took her out of the will years before he passed. His estate was settled as his will instructed and no issues. I’m sure if she had been involved it would not have turned out like that.
I’m glad the daughter didn’t try to contest the will. Although she likely wouldn’t have had a leg to stand on, it still could have caused some issues.
Having settled one estate and now seeing how MIL’s is playing out, I’ve had more than one conversation with my kids regarding what I leave behind. I am now the third generation (my mother and grandmother being the others) to say that I’d rather have everything burn to the ground than have my kids fight over anything I leave behind. Even long after our mother’s passing, my siblings and I heeded those words during the settling of our parents’ estate.