My father passed away one week ago today. I received a call on Wednesday as I was getting ready to leave work that he had taken a turn for the worse. With nursing homes being on lockdown from receiving visitors on account of the Coronavirus, receiving word of his change was our permission to see him. I made calls to Hubs and my siblings while hastily packing a bag. I am so glad I had made an emergency list of things I’d need a few weeks ago. Choosing only to stop for gas and to use the restroom, I made it to my dad’s bedside at 3:15 AM.
The following three days were a bit of a blur as we didn’t want to leave dad alone. Somehow I ended up covering the nightshift with him (which extended until early afternoon) while my sisters, together, covered the day/afternoon hours. My brothers also came, staying a few hours at a time. For the most part, dad was comatose, but on Thursday, he recognized me and said my name. To my knowledge, that was the last thing he ever said. Looking back, I am now thankful for those long nights when it was just dad and me. It was one last thing I could do for him while he was still with us.
The Coronavirus made funeral planning a challenge as our state was under an order of having no more than 50 people at any gathering. We were going to do an informal viewing on Tuesday (for the family who might need that for closure), followed by a private graveside service with just us siblings/spouses on Wednesday. Less than 24 hours, those plans quickly had to change as our state was going on lockdown Monday at midnight. That meant no gatherings at all, even for a funeral. The funeral home and pastor were accommodating, arranging for a joint viewing and small service Monday evening. There were a whopping 16 people at his service as we even discouraged adult grandkids from coming. Even then, except for spouses sitting next to each other, we practiced social distancing. The pastor who officiated was a long-time friend of my dad and did a very nice job.
Late Tuesday evening, we returned to the nursing home to clean out dad’s room. Although we wore our required masks, going at a later hour helped with limiting contact with other residents. It was kind of sad walking out of the nursing home, but I also know my dad is in a much better place.
The burial still took place at the scheduled time on Wednesday, so although we couldn’t do anything formal, my siblings and I did go to the cemetery. I admit that it bothered me that the workers served as pallbearers rather than the grandsons, but these are the times we are in. The funeral director and workers were kind in letting us each go up to the casket to say our one last goodbye. Yes, we even practiced social distancing during this time. We all watched as his casket was placed into the cement vault and lowered into the ground. In a weird way, I think this was the closure we all needed. We all then went our separate ways, and I headed for home.
At 92, my dad had a good long life. Even after my mom’s passing six years ago, he felt he had a lot to live for~and he did. I take comfort in knowing that this is not the end. His eternity has just begun, and someday, we will see each other again.
Condolences to you & your family. Thanks for your guidance on how to have services for the dead in these trying times…
The best memorials can’t be stopped since he will live on in your hearts!!
Thank you. I feel fortunate that we were able to have a service. Troubling times, indeed.
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I am sorry for your loss Lucy. No matter our age it’s still hard to lose a parent. I’m glad even in these times that y’all were there at the end. Keeping him in your hearts and thoughts means he will live on.
Thanks, Sluggy. We were blessed to have him as long as we did – but, no matter what the age, it is hard to lose a parent.
Lucy, I am very sorry to hear about your dad. I am so glad you were able to be with him when he passed. That was a blessing in these times. Thanks for keeping us in the loop.
Thank you, Chris. Being with him to the very end was meaningful for me. Years ago when I was working as a nurse in long term care, it always saddened me to see a patient go alone. It is something I never wanted for own parents.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Thank you, Cheryl.
I am sorry for your loss. Last moments sure are special, and I’m glad you had that time.
Thank you, Sam. I will always treasure that time I had with him.
I’m so sorry for your loss, and am very happy you were able to have the time with him at the end. Hugs to you & your family.
Thank you, Hawaii planner. We were fortunate to have those final moments with him.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Thank you, Maisie.
Sorry for your loss. Internet hugs to you.
Thank you, Jena.
Oh, Lucy, I am so sorry for your loss. I am praying for God’s peace.
Thanks, Rhitter. My faith in God is a comfort, as I know I’ll see my dad again.
I’m so sorry for your loss Lucy.
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Thank you!
I am so sorry for this sad time for you.
Thanks, Linda.