I don’t know that I’ve ever republished an older post, but even 2+ years later, I still feel that sadly, this topic still rings true. While I wish that it wouldn’t be so, I am thrilled that there are many of us who at least are doing something about our debt! Keep up the fight, my friends. It will be so worth it!
hush-hush: confidential, secret (Merriam-Webster)
Shh, don’t tell anyone, but my hubby and I are in our 50s and have a lot of debt.
There. I said it. The cat is out of the bag. You now know the truth. My hubby and I are in our 50s and are deeply in debt. Ouch. That hurt!
While this is still difficult and painful to admit even from behind the safety of this blog, I don’t know as I could be quite so forthcoming in real-life — Scratch that. I know I couldn’t be because I haven’t been!
Merriam-Webster defines hush-hush as being confidential, secret. When it comes to carrying a boatload of debt in your later years, I think this definition is spot on. I mean really, who in their right mind would trumpet their dirty debt secret to the masses? Okay, I don’t honestly know that many people in real life, but the thought of spilling it all to even just one person makes me feel like throwing up. It’s a secret alright, and not a good one at that!
The sad thing is that we all know that we can’t possibly be the only ones out there battling debt in this stage of life!
No, it isn’t good or something to be proud of, but for so many of us, it is indeed the harrowing truth. Of course, no one in their right mind wants to go public with this sort of thing. But what if we did? Wouldn’t it be beneficial to quit hiding our dirty debt secrets? Could this create a movement all about encouraging each other to continue working towards financial freedom? I think it could!
For many of us, though, reaching out to others in our immediate circles might feel rather uncomfortable. An alternative to this might be a public support group. A Google search of local groups brought up zilch for me. While I did find Debtors Anonymous and Spenders Anonymous, neither have meetings in my area. From what I can tell, they both use a 12 step approach. No doubt very helpful to some, but this is still not quite what I have in mind.
First of all, despite having debt, I’m not a compulsive spender. I never was, never have been. Our debt was brought on by multiple things: Poor budgeting lack of budgeting, living in a house for far too long that was a complete money pit, poor choices (new cars we really couldn’t afford!), medical bills, jobs losses, and just living beyond our means. As I’ve often heard Dave Ramsey say, we were normal!
Secondly, we have drawn a line in the sand and are actually doing something about it! We are sticking to our budget and making steady progress in getting out from under our debt. It will take time. We didn’t accumulate our debt overnight, and it isn’t going to go away overnight.
What would I envision as a good support group for those of us battling debt in our later years?
I could see it as being similar to that of a TOPS (Taking Off Pounds Sensibly) group. I have a close friend who is involved with TOPS. Her group consists of 5 or 6 women who are all doing remarkably well. They weigh in together (no weight secrets in their group!) and then they spend time talking about their successes, challenges, goals, etc. Knowing that they weigh in each week also helps keep them accountable. A similar approach could work as a support group for those of us battling debt.
But with the hush-hush of being in debt in your later years, finding others to start such a support group is in all reality probably easier said than done.
The only thing I’ve even found even remotely similar is Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. From what I have heard though, from some online friends who have attended, it tends to favor those in the younger crowd. Is this because of the hush-hush of being in debt in your later years? My hunch is that it is a huge part of it. That and the class does feel geared towards those in the younger age bracket.
With no such local support group currently available, I will in the meantime continue to do my best to support an on-line movement for those of us battling debt in our later years. We are out here, and despite the way it often feels, we are not alone. It is time to quit the hush-hush and do something about it.
My hubby and I are in our 50s. We have a lot of debt, but that is not where our story will end. We may have started later than most, but we will succeed, and we will finish what we have begun! Are you with us?
I am not in a position to get started just yet! Right in the throws of house building, we are saving every penny for the end. My husband and I are not in our 50s yet, but mid to late 40, so close enough. We are in a LOT of debt, especially with a brand spanking new house, a truck and the dreaded credit card debt, oh yeah and a 401(k) loan. We are in deep! I know we are not local, but have you thought of maybe a Facebook group? Or some other similar platform? We could still agree to meet at a certain time and discuss. From living the south, debt is later years is very hush, hush!
You have a lot on your plate right now, but I’m sure when you get down to paying off debt, you’ll do great. Sad how much hush-hush there is around debt in your later years. Nothing to be proud of, but even for those of us starting later, we can still succeed at turning things around. Anyone game to start a private FB group?
Good and thoughtful post. We are around your age, and while our only debt is our mortgage, it is still something we are working hard to pay off before my husband retires. We can encourage each other for sure. I like your honesty and determination.
Thanks! I appreciate your kind words. I’m all for encouraging each other. Going into retirement with any amount of debt is what truly scares me.
You are right – especially here in the south. Hush, Hush on finances and diseases! LOL We are not quite in our 50s, but mid to upper 40s and we are right there with you. Building a house, so our mortgage starts in about 6 months. Then we have a truck note, the dreaded credit card debt and a 401(k) loan. Sigh. When the building is done, we are on a STRICT get out debt plan. I really want the debt and mortgage gone in 10 years, but we will see. We will have to put 3, maybe 4, through college at the same time. Have you considered a Facebook group – they are private – you can choose who is allowed to join. Or some other platform that could give you a place to check in and support each other? I would love to join!
I think a private FB group would be encouraging. Maybe keep it smallish and for those battling debt in their “later” years.
Why are you building a new home if you are in so much debt? Can you really afford it?
Studies have shown that all types of debt is growing for Americans over 50…..credit card, mortgage/HELOC, medical and student loan debt.
It’s easier to extricate yourself the younger you start the pay down just because you have more working years to vanquish the debt.
I was amazed at Hubs retirement party yesterday, while most of the co-workers there were in their late 40’s or 50’s and starting to get to the point where retirement is going to happen, many of them expressed wonder at how we managed to get to the point of being able to retire(with enough $ to survive it)at our ages(late 50’s). Most people it seems live above their means and feel that if they can make the minimum payments on their debts that they are doing “ok”. Then 30 years of doing that passes and they aren’t anywhere near where they need to be financially.
It’s a very widespread problem and most people don’t want to face it. We have a problem talking about money in this society.
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I totally agree and I often wonder why talking about money is such a secret. I’m thankful we finally had a wake-up call while there was still some time to do something about it. Going into retirement with any debt is simply not an option for us.
We are starting later, but hey….at least we are starting! Thanks for encouraging us along the way. Going into debt into retirement frightens me, too, especially since my husband and I have had so much job volatility, poor spending choices, buying a money pit house, etc., etc.,
Here’s to the next few years of making progress!
I’m all for encouraging others to dump debt. Going into retirement with any amount of debt would not be a good thing! We can do this!
We too are in our 50’s and after being debt free for 2 years our numbers are climbing again. Currently we have a truck payment of 865.00/month, huge Carecredit balance and moderate Amazon and PayPal balances. We rent a 2/2 house and lease my car. In 18 months my lease will be up and I haven’t decided whether to buy or keep leasing.
Hubbys job in TX will be done in 2 weeks and we haven’t an inkling as to what he will do next. That is a scary place to be with all this debt
I would be all over having an FB group for us HUSH HUSH’ers. Although I’ve never been hush hush about anything.
An icky place to be in, isn’t it? I hope that your hubby finds work quickly. I’m still exploring ideas for a private group. A hush-hush group would be perfect!
Totally with you. I still have plenty of debt in my mid 40s. Boo. It sucks. But I have a plan. And am in a much better position now that I am living on my budget and paying this stuff off. Thank you for giving those of us battling debt in our later years a supportive place.
The One in debt recently posted…May 2017 Expense Report [Month 5]
Yes, it does suck! But you know what would suck even worse? Not having a plan! We may have started later, but we CAN do this!
Lucy recently posted…The hush-hush of debt in your later years
Great post! Good for you that you are addressing the issue as well as blogging about it! We are in our late 40’s and have a really big mortgage that we don’t see ever paying off and we are trying to figure out what to do. Plus, we have three teenagers and aging parents. I think maybe debt late in life is hush, hush because we are supposed to be wiser? I think there are definitely many people in our age bracket who are in debt who are scared to talk about it because we are supposed to “know better” or something. I think a FB group is a great plan!
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Older and wiser isn’t always the case with everything, is it? I think that is a big part of the hush-hush around debt in your later years. I’m looking at options for a support group. I believe that it could be beneficial for those of us battling debt in our later years. I’m rooting for you. We also have a sizeable mortgage to face once we pay off our consumer debt.
Even with only a mortgage debt, I still feel like we have debt and it’s a hush hush thing. We are on track to pay off at retirement but it’s still a daily struggle to also make sure we don’t take on debt again! I tend to wonder how others seem do it all…..and then I get little insights into their private life situations….one friend couple (she is 50, he is 44) are heavily in debt (and part of the reason he feels stuck in the marriage) and just took on more debt to buy a used car, so they could give the wife’s car to daughter to drive now that she’s 16. I wondered how our property neighbor couple could afford building a $700k house….she got a big inheritance when her mom died, so they built their dream house.
OneFamily recently posted…A little of this and a little of that
There is a shame around having debt, particularly at this age. It’s easier to think, “So and so must be in excellent financial shape.” The truth is there are a lot more of us who are NOT where we should be, and the truth hurts! I’m just thankful we are finally doing something about it!
Lucy recently posted…The hush-hush of debt in your later years
As you well know, that I am in my 50’s and am in deep debt as well. If truth be told, I have been in debt for well over 20 years. So I get you.
Speaking from experience, it isn’t a good place to be. The goods news is that we are starting to talk about it (even via blogs) and more importantly, are doing something about it!
Amen sister!
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Since I responded to this post when it was first posted…things aren’t that much different
Now we own a house that although the payments are less than 25% of our monthly take home (per DR) it’s still more than I am comfortable with plus I took out a 401 loan for the down payment. Chris found a job when he came back to Denver after 2 years in Texas, making less BUT still a subcontractor and at least he gets a steady paycheck every 2 weeks which we hadn’t had in 15 years.
With the new house came needing A/C (loan), water softener (paid cash), lawn equipment and all the other stuff that goes with the switch from renting to owning (again). Oh, let’s add a new motorcycle, new truck and a camper to the mix. 🙄. I am still leasing (different car) but still hope to buy it in 2 years or give it back and buy something used. The plan is to have the HVAC and 401k loan paid off this year the tackle the motorcycle. On occasion I hear mumblings about selling the camper, 2 motorcycles, lawn tractor and cargo trailer. He is reading Total Money Makeover” so I have some hope……
A lot sure can change in two years. You’ll get there. I think it is fantastic that Chris is willing to read Dave’s book. It was a set of used Dave Ramsey CDs (purchased off eBay and given as a Christmas gift) that got Hubs to realize we desperately needed to change our ways and stick with it. You’ll get there. I’m rooting for you!
Thanks, Lucy! GO US!!!
You betcha!