The one thing I’ve never gotten too personal about here on A Dime at a Time is the topic of family dynamics. Let me tell you, compared with dealing with family issues, paying off debt sure feels like a walk in the park! In spite of how some people like to portray themselves (yes, we all know a few who seemingly have a “Leave it to Beaver” life), the majority of us do have our battles, and that includes me.
My dad. Big ugh! It has been decided to get him moved into assisted living. He currently lives independently in a detached condo within a senior living complex, which offers various levels of care, including nursing. While physically he is still in excellent shape, at 90, his mind has been on a rapid decline. Unfortunately, he doesn’t see it although all the tests he has had done show otherwise. Where some drama comes into play is regarding a 91-year-old lady friend who is trying to convince my father to marry her or change his contract so she can move into his condo. The fee for doing so is 30K, which my father can well afford. Hubs refers to her as a gold digger! Thankfully my brother (who has financial POA) has been on top of things and quickly moved funds so they are not as easily accessed. Yes, we need to get dad moved ASAP! The entire situation feels way too Jerry Springer, and this isn’t telling the half of it!
Our daughter. Another big ugh! She is once again not speaking to us. (See Rhitter, you are not alone!) She is one who will never take personal responsibility for anything. I’ll admit to my shortcomings as a parent. I know I was anything but perfect, but I tried my best. If my own mother were still living (she passed away five years ago) she would tell me never to quit trying. The sad thing is though, I watched her do this in vain with her own daughter (my sister) for 30+ years. Life is far too short. Although she doesn’t act like it, my daughter is an adult, and I am not going to put myself through the same turmoil my mother put herself through. It was beyond sad to watch her on her deathbed holding hope that my sister would come see her.
Yes, family dynamics. A big ugh! Needless to say, I can’t help to feel that talking about (and working my way through) debt is a lot more pleasant! And on that note, I will say that I made the minimum payments on the car and Visa, further reducing our debt by yet another $423.79. Woohoo! Fun times, indeed!
I can relate. My empty-nest household IS actually wonderful. I’m still besotted with the man I married all those years ago. And we have a nice daughter who has her own life a few states away. However, it’s tough dealing with aging parents! I want to be respectful toward them but at the same time I worry so much. I think dealing with debt is easier because I can put numbers on a piece of paper and manipulate them. I can’t put my parents on a piece of paper!
It sure would make life easier, wouldn’t it? I do consider myself a bit fortunate in that I’m not in the thick of things with my dad. As his medical POA, I can be the bad guy from a distance! Lol
It is sad the woman is 91 and needing to be supported. I would never quit trying with my daughters but I may be crazy.
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Very sad. Unfortunately, at 90 my dad is in no condition to support her. As for my daughter, she is putting us through exactly what my sister put my parents through. Life is far too short to live with that agony.
Oh, I am not saying he should support her at all.
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No worries. I didn’t take it that way! I agree. At 91, it would be very sad to be in that financial situation.
Yes, life is certainly not Leave it to Beaver for most families. I’m sorry, but 90 year old people do not need to be getting married or your Dad spending $30k to move her. Yikes. Glad you and your brother are on top of it, but I’m sure it’s very stressful. I’m sorry about your daughter. I know how hard this is. Our son hasn’t spoken to us in over 3 years now. It amazes me how two kids can be raised the same and turn out so differently. Life is too short to deal with this kind of crap.
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Crazy, huh? If he were in his right mind, he would never even consider it. He became reacquainted with her about 2 years after my mom passed away and said that marriage at his age was out of the question.
We also have a son. Thankfully we are on good terms. Sorry about the issues with your son, but like you said, life is too short for this kind of crap.
Debt is DEFINITELY easier than family dynamics!!! We have always had a close-knit family (it was truly the 4 of us against the world), but we are a LITTLE TO CLOSE FOR COMFORT right now with both kids back home. I think you know dd’s story and she is going through a very traumatic time right now, but boy does it take it’s toll on the entire family!!!!
Great job bringing those debts down!!!! We are about to make our first snowball payment to the IRS to get that monkey off of our backs as soon as possible!!!
I envy you having a close relationship with your kids but can’t imagine having them right under the same roof! Just goes to show how close you really are!
Woohoo on making your first snowball payment to the IRS. I can’t wait for you to be done with them!
Sorry for all the drama. I totally get it. My sister #2 left when I was 17. She has contacted us a few times over the years because she wanted to torment us some more. No thanks. My mom found out that my aunt, her sister had been stealing money from my grandparents for years when they had passed away. I hope they did not know. She said she needed the money because her husband was a gambler. We obviously do not associate with her any more. My Husband’s step sister lost her house 2 years ago due to not paying her mortgage. She went on vacations but didn’t pay her bills. My in laws spent $50k to put an apartment in their house for her and her 2 kids. They have destroyed it in 2 years. They are moving out shortly in with her new boyfriend. They are buying a house together. She has money because she doesn’t pay rent. My in laws are retired and now have a loan for the apartment. It has to be totally repainted, carpets pulled because the dog pees everywhere. So gross. At this point they just want her out. They said the will sell the house and move into a tiny house so she can’t ever move back in.
Wow. So much drama in your life too. As sad as it can be, I think there truly are times it is just best to close the door to these types of people even if they are family. I can’t say it enough. Life is simply far too short.
Wow.. so sorry to hear about your dad, but good job on squashing the situation. And that is so sad about your mom and one of your sisters. I am praying that Buttercup will come to her senses. She is my only child. And I don’t think I i will ever remarry. I really do not want to die alone. It is so scary.
Thanks, Rhitter. I honestly don’t understand kids these days. I could never do that to my parents. I pray your daughter comes around. Don’t worry about dying alone. As a believer in Christ, you are NEVER alone!
Oh my! I thought as we aged the drama stopped. I can’t imagine drama in my life in my 90s. I hope your daughter makes some progress and realizes what a gift it is to have a family around.
One would think it should stop at that age. Far too strange for words! I do hope my daughter comes around. She is being completely selfish and thinking only of herself. It also saddens me to think about my grandkids.
Family is so difficult. I loathe this time of year with all of the Mother’s Day and Father’s Day ads. I know what they are supposed to portray, but more and more it’s just an example of what you’re missing. Happy Mother’s Day to you!