The dreaded weekend of emptying my father’s condo is over, or at least it is for me. Everyone has until the end of this next weekend to remove their items and then whatever remains will be picked up by a local charity. Aside from dealing with my drama queen sister (more on that later), there is a lot of emotions when it comes to dividing up a lifetime.
My weekend started with me getting on the road by 7:30 AM. Other than a few potty breaks, stopping for gas, a quick run through a drive-thru, and a 20 minute stop to do a little sourcing, I stayed on track with my trip. I made good time and arrived at my dad’s condo a little after 4:00 PM. Several family members including a brother and his wife, my sister and her son, my son and his wife and their son, my daughter and one of her sons were already there. The informal get together allowed us a chance to take a look around at what we might be interested in getting. My kids also let me know of items that they would potentially like to have. After an hour or so we went out for dinner, which my brother paid for out of my dad’s finances. After leaving the restaurant, we all went over to see dad.
I hadn’t seen my dad since Thanksgiving, and wow, has he ever declined. While he was able to come up with my name, he struggled to do so. His dementia is a little different in that he knows what he wants to say, but struggles to articulate his words. The frustration he lives with painfully shows through with his facial expressions. All dementia is not created equal, that’s for sure. After an hours visit, we all said our goodbyes. Both my kids had a 2-3 hour drive ahead of them to get home. I went to my brother and sister-in-law’s place for the night.
Sunday was the day to divide things up. There was a list of items willed to various siblings/grandchildren. I received a silver embellished family Bible dating back to 1852 and a gold watch and matching gold band that was my great aunts. There was also an oil painting that I opted to give to my brother as it didn’t match my decor. He was happy to get it but said if I ever wanted to take it back, I could do so. My daughter received my mom’s wedding band along with a treasured piece of pottery and painting my deceased sister made. My son received a set of silver coins and a camera. There were several other miscellaneous (non-heirloom items) as well.
When it came to the non-assigned items, we all took turns picking out things we would want. We had the areas divided up into four categories: furniture, pictures, knickknacks, and kitchen. The first items I went for were things my kids had expressed interest in receiving. I wasn’t able to secure the bookcase my daughter wanted but did get her a similar one. Other than that and a boomerang my son wanted, my kids got everything on their list. I actually did get the boomerang but knowing my brother also wanted it; I opted to give it to him. He, in turn, asked me if I wanted anything he had (I didn’t).
As for myself, I didn’t really want much. I got a folding table/chairs, a hand dolly (to use for my business), a wool blanket (reminds me of my childhood), a Coleman cooler, a set of drink coasters, a creamer/sugar set, three smallish pictures, a shoebox full of stamps (hidden gem~you never know!), a pizza pan, and a small sewing bench/seat which lifts up for storage. I wasn’t kidding when I said I didn’t want much! Even these items were a non-issue.
Dividing up a lifetime wouldn’t have been complete without our drama queen sister showing her true colors. 🙄 One issue was over a large number of silver coins. She thought her husband should get them all because he has a coin collection. I seriously can’t insert enough eye rolls over this. My brother did the right thing and divided them up equally. My brother did the same with the silver spoons. We each got a few.
Then this sister griped that none of her kids received any family heirlooms. There was a reason for the grandkids who did get certain items. My daughter did so on account of being named after my mom and deceased sister, and my son did because he is the oldest grandson. Both my kids also spent a lot of time with my parents. And aside from that, where our parents wanted their things to go was their prerogative!
The last spiteful attempt from the drama queen was over our father’s childhood piggy bank. Mind you; this thing is super ugly. I made the mistake of voicing an interest in it during a group meeting which I took part in via speakerphone. Thankfully, all the other siblings sided with me and said I should receive it. There were other nasty comments she directed at all of us throughout the 3-4 hours we had to endure her presence. All I can say is that we were all glad to see her leave.
Stay tuned for the rest of my trip.
Well, all in all, it sounds like it went pretty smoothly. I’ve always wondered what makes people act like your sister. I’d be embarrassed to death to act like that, with anyone. Sad that your dad is doing worse, but I guess that is to be expected at his age. DH parent’s did have any heirloom type stuff at all. One of DH’s brothers took the record collection, but that was only apparently to give to a friend of his, who collects, LOL. His will gave his few guns to SIL’s dh. That’s about it for their stuff. My mom has quite a few nice things. She already gave my DD her precious moments collection and I took some antique dishes last time I visited.
I don’t get it either. The rest of us all got along without any issues. I guess greed can bring out the worst in some people. Nice that your mom is already letting go of some of her items. I’m doing the same for my kids. I feel there is no sense in storing stuff they can enjoy now. Your in-laws made it easy!
Ugh, your poor dad. It would be aggravating for sure to have a thought in your head and not be able to express what you’re thinking. I’m glad he’s in a safer place now.
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It has got to be awful. I hate it when I can’t come up with a word…you know, it’s on the tip of your tongue sort of thing. How frustrating for him.
Glad everything we fairly smoothly – sounds like you brother is doing a really good job making sure everything is fair and square!!!
Overall, it did go well. I’m just thankful the rest of us get along. To me, it’s just stuff. Life is far too short to argue about it.
Sorry for everything. It is hard enough to go through everything but then to have a relative act out is crazy. If it makes you feel better, we all have crazy family members. We went through the same thing when my grandparents passed. My Aunt and Uncle stole all of my grandmothers jewelry. My aunt said my grandmother gave it to her. My grandparents passed a week apart. We know it isn’t true because at my grandfather’s funereal, my grandmother told me with my husband and mom present that she wanted me to have some specific pieces of jewelry because I had the only 2 great granddaughters. It wasn’t in writing so there was nothing we could do. No one in my family talks to them anymore.
That is terrible, especially since these pieces were treasures you would have passed down to another generation. While I was visiting, I had a talk with both my kids about when it comes to their turn to go through our things. While I doubt there will be any trouble, I do still plan on putting things in writing, especially for family heirlooms.